My True Story of Living Proof

I was 18 years old in 1985 when they came out with the first HIV test. I had just dropped out of the engineering program at Purdue University my freshman year when I tested positive in January of ’86 on a military placement exam at the MEPS station in downtown Indianapolis. I was subsequently denied entrance to the navy and told I had up to five years to live, but that I needed counseling for my homosexuality.  Having been sexually free-spirited and out in the gay drug using community since I was 16, by the time I tested positive I had already accepted that I probably was.  I didn’t cry when I found out nor was I even afraid, or so I thought; but, the religious right proclaimed it was my just punishment from God!  I was young, free-spirited, invincible, and naive.  However, I was afraid of all the fear, shame, denial, blame and hypocricy I saw in my own “community” and the world at large so I immediately became desperate to find a suitable partner to carry me through.

Within months of my “diagnosis” and death sentence I found exactly that person or I should say Robert Sexson found me. When leaving the local gay bar, Our Place now called Greg’s, he approached me and invited me to breakfast.  As we were getting to know each other, we realized that we went to the same high school and I already knew two of his brothers and his mother who worked in the school cafeteria.  He was two years older and a genius in his own right, but torn because of the psycho-social stigma around being gay, a lot more so than me.  He had strengths that I didn’t and vice versa. We were fractured yet complete, as if, and inseparable in a dysfunctional and critically wounded community and world.

I was raised agnostic by my parents and first became a Christian in the winter of  ’87/’88 when I was 20 years old. I remember believing it was only logical to be agnostic.  After all, I couldn’t deny that there was a God nor could I believe in their God of love when the biblical definition of God and their actions didn’t demonstrate such.  At the time, I navigated for Robert who drove a semi tractor-trailer for a commercial Inter-state transport company visiting every state except North Dakota, Alaska and Hawaii. I’ll never forget those early days touring the U.S. with Robert. One day we were driving across Ohio on I-70, near Columbus, and I was switching channels on the radio specifically looking for Paula Abdul when I stopped on a talk-show discussing a logical argument for the existence of God – something made me listen and for the first time, I believed.

I first tried crystal meth when I was just 16 years old, in the summer of ’83. Although my father had always dealt drugs like marijuana and LSD throughout my childhood to support his habit, he never drank alcohol and didn’t start dealing meth until I was 18. He later died of a cerebral hemorrhage in ’88, which I learned was probably caused by his amphetamine use.  Although he was severely abused as a child, by a sadistic foster father and had his share of character defects, he worked hard, loved animals, abhorred gossip, was loyal to his friends, and loved me unconditionally. Even though my father and mother were both “functional” addicts, patients of the diet doctors and pharmaceutical grade meth in the ’70s, they had a good work ethic and demonstrated many good virtues. My mother was very successful in her vocation and kept an immaculate home. She taught me not to judge, meaning “condemn,” other people in word and deed demonstrating those virtues throughout her life. My parents even went dancing in gay bars occasionally because they ”played better dance music,” and my father loved to dance, often to my chagrin.

When I was about 17 years old, I learned of a recreational drug in the gay community called MDA. From my experience and perception, It wasn’t well known in the Midwest and was typically brought in by older gays who had done it in the gay kink scene on the west and east coast. It is related to the currently popular drug MDMA, also known as ecstasy.

According to http://www.gdcada.org/statistics/mda.htm, “these two drugs are chemical variations of mescaline and amphetamine. Also know as DOM, MDA was introduced into the San Francisco drug scene in the late 1960s and was nicknamed STP, an acronym for Serenity, Tranquility, and Peace. Doses of 1-3 milligrams generally produce mood alterations and minor perceptual alterations, while larger doses can produce pronounced hallucinations that last from 8-10 hours. Because they are produced in clandestine laboratories, these drugs are seldom pure, and the amount of active ingredient in a capsule or tablet is likely to vary considerably.”

Wikipedia states, “Methylenedioxyamphetamine aka MDA or Tenamfetamine is a psychedelic hallucinogenic drug and empathogen/entactogen of the phenethylamine family. It is mainly used as a recreational drug, an entheogen, and a tool in use to supplement various types of practices for transcendence, including in meditation, psychonautics, and illegal psychedelic psychotherapy. MDA also differs from its methylated cousin MDMA in its acute toxicity, in that it is clearly more toxic, with toxicity indicative of over-stimulation of the central nervous system. MDA is also considered less predictable than MDMA and thus its effects can vary greatly from person to person… However, no properly controlled experiments have compared these drugs in people.”

Cecil Adams states in his article, What was in MDA, the hot drug of the 1970s?, “Dope lore had it that MDA induced a sense of confidence and a feeling of warmth and empathy toward other people (hence the appellation ‘the love drug’)”. He also stated that it produced “a tolerance in the body with use, so that it took progressively larger doses to produce the desired effect each time. A rather simple mistake in the MDA drug synthesizing process could produce a toxic drug called PMA (paramethoxy-amphetamine), which made deadly poisoning a serious possibility.”

I only did MDA on a few occasions, and it always produced an overwhelmingly intense sexual high with hallucinations and severe body muscle tension and cramping. It was the most intense and toxic recreational drug I have ever taken and took me four days to physically recuperate after using it just one night with vomiting and severe physical fatigue.

It is interesting to note that MDA was used on the west and east coasts in ’70s and early ’80s, at the same time people began dying of the mysterious illness now known as AIDS. From my own experience with stimulants such as MDA, MDMA, and methamphetamines, I know that they are often used compulsively and for prolonged periods. This compulsive use, along with preoccupation with sex, leads to malnutrition due to loss of appetite and dehydration due to lack of fluid intake. So the immune system is damaged directly by the drugs and indirectly by the lack of basic nutrition and hydration of the body. For studies that show immune suppression by the drugs themselves, see:

http://www.mdma.net/mdma/immune.html

I believe that there is a strong correlation between MDA use of the affected gay community in the ’70s and ’80s and the subsequent immune collapse seen in so many gay men, especially on the west coast where AIDS began. MDA rarely trickled into the mid-west gay community from those who had connections on the coast. From my vantage point as a teen within that community, I couldn’t see it clearly at the time, but I eventually connected the dots and realized the obvious correlation. Later, I watched as MDA disappeared from the gay scene shortly after the introduction of the AIDS inducing drug AZT as a treatment for AIDS. It is the only illicit drug I have ever known to disappear entirely from the scene and never return. All that remains is its weaker cousin MDMA; this raises serious questions in my mind about where all the MDA was coming from back then. Even at the peak of its popularity, MDA was not something I ever saw discussed publicly by drug enforcement agencies or in the media. And then it simply disappeared. MDA is virtually unknown to those in the younger gay community today.

Although I tried ”12 step” recovery programs, I don’t agree with their hypocricy and dogma.  The 12 steps claim the root cause of addiction is “selfishness and self-centeredness” but that’s not it at all.  The root cause is religion and the Church that robs us all of our natural and good humanity turning us on ourselves and each other. I believe that there are infinite individual paths to enlightenment that are constantly being forged so that we may find our way of our own free will given to us with infinite wisdom and love. My spirituallity has shifted away from organized religion and I’m becoming aware of real hope for humanity based in truth uncorrupted by the “Church.” See the Illuminati Manifesto. In the past many viewed me as an alcoholic of the hopeless variety.  However, I haven’t been drunk since October 2008.  I have since had a beer or two socially and have never once drank more.  I don’t like hard liquor anymore at all, and never really did even though I use to be taken to the emergency room stinking of alcohol in tremors. 

In spite of the death sentence that I received from the Navy over 23 years ago, and my personal life-long struggle with drug and alcohol abuse, I have survived and even thrived at times. I owned a successful business from ’92 to ’97 with Robert, whom I was with until he died of valley fever, aka cocci pneumonia, in my presence on January 4, 1997, surrounded by friends and family. I have completed 4 years of college since his death — two years of semiconductor manufacturing technology with a 4.0 GPA and two years  starting in engineering then switching to business administration and finally finding my passion in sociology with an overall GPA of 3.28.

I was living in downtown Milwaukee about 4 years ago and using the dirty city water in my coffee pot, which didn’t get the water hot enough to disinfect it. The city of Milwaukee, especially downtown, has notoriously dirty water from sewage backing up from the deep tunnel sewage system and Lake Michigan during storms into the water supply. It’s notorious for cryptosporidium and God knows what other septic organisms. They often put out alerts to boil the water after rain storms. In Milwaukee, I suffered a year-long bout with diarrhea and my health dramatically declined for the first time in 19 years of being “HIV+.” I was struggling in a new co-dependent relationship and in and out of alcohol and drug abuse. Needless to say, I wasn’t thinking clearly. Out of fear, I started “antiretrovirals” in 2005; afterward, tests indicated that my health VERY SLOWING started to improve, but the diarrhea persisted.

I didn’t start figuring it all out until I moved away from Milwaukee to Minneapolis. The diarrhea disappeared quickly and completely, and my numbers and health improved dramatically in the summer of 2008 even though I wasn’t taking any HIV medication at all. Suffering from occasional nagging fears, I took the meds off and on for almost 4 years. Then I found out about Christine Maggiore’s death, and something happened inside me that I cannot explain other that it was a spiritual experience which began to re-awaken me to the truth. I will never again take another ridiculous toxic pill.

In November 2008 I received a Medicare statement on what had been paid for my ARV’s up to date: $18,054.05 for just 11 months and $1,781.44 for November alone. That’s over $21,000 a year for one toxic pill per person per day. This is an insane example of the fleecing of America and the world. I also believe that it is both a criminal conspiracy and fraud by the pharmaceutical industrial complex resulting in crimes against humanity and genocide.

I’m attaching my senior picture that was taken in 1985, 1 year before I tested HIV+, and a portrait taken in October, 2008.  Not bad for being told I had AIDS and handed a death sentence with only 5 years to live when I was 18 years old.  What happened to my just punishment from God?

I’m Alive and Well. Who’s in denial?

Love Always Anyway, John R. Hankins

January, 1985

October, 2008

26 years of proof that “HIV” does NOT cause AIDS.

Wear green and take back your life!

Visit wearelivingproof.org.

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Robert Scott Bell Show

Gary Null Show

John Hankins in Denialism: TheDeath of AIDS

John Hankins on TVP-Radio

 

April 23rd, the day the probable cause of AIDS was announced to the world in 1984, is now Rethinking AIDS Day. We’re Free! Are you?

The AIDS Trap pdf brochures @ theaidstrap.com

 

What about Africa you ask? Denying AIDS

“The HIV/AIDS Story is Being Rewritten” @ www.houseofnumbers.com

“A WORLD WITHOUT HIV/AIDS MAY BE CLOSER THAN YOU THINK!”

“All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.” Arthur Schopenhauer German philosopher (1788 – 1860)

The Other Side of AIDS 1 hour 27 minutes

Deconstructing The Myth of AIDS 2 hours 10 minutes

AID$ Inc. 1 hour 55 minutes

HIV = AIDS: Fact or Fraud? 2 hours 34 seconds

AIDSGEIST – megahoax of aids 11 min

Zeitgeist (full-length movie) 1 hr 51 min

Zeitgeist II Addendum 2 hrs

Zeitgeist III Moving Forward 2 hrs 41 min

 

An Uplifting Tribute to Humanity

 

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“It often happens that the universal belief of one age, a belief from which no one was free, or could be free, without an extraordinary effort of genius or courage, becomes to a subsequent age, so palpable an absurdity that the only difficulty is to imagine how such an idea could ever have been deemed credible.” John Stuart Mill 

“I have all along believed that what is possible for one is possible for all, my experiments have not been conducted in the closet, but in the open.” Gandhi 

“I maintain that Truth is a pathless land, and you cannot approach it by any path whatsoever, by any religion, by any sect.” J. Krishnamurti 

“You measure democracy by the freedom it gives its dissidents, not the freedom it gives its assimilated conformists” Abbie Hoffman 

“each progressive  spirit is opposed by a thousand men appointed to guard the past”  Count Maurice Maeterlinck 

“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.” Voltaire

 

DISSENTIA (03.30.07)

Economic wars leave humanity further enslaved,
Better ways are engraved on the murals,
In the tombs of ancestor angels,
In the wombs of our daughters and mothers,
Destroying or hording natural resources
leaves humanity starved,

Masses of lives carved out of leftovers,
Bodies too hungry to feed our minds,
So we feed on violence,
Our hunger overtaking our willingness to coexist,
If my life is lost then yours is meaningless,
So underground economies give us meaning,
Fuel us with the energies to survive,
To temporarily thrive,

These gatekeepers of historical information,
The freedom of information cannot be an act,
Is greater than a play,
It is the foundation of human freedom,
Truth in abundance,
False transparency hides a genuine intent,
Ulterior motives are the death of consent,
To these things I respectfully dissent.

Alford G. Harris for Ajaha Publishing
Copyright 2007

Activism is more than a word, so Lead Out Loud!

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